From 2010 to 2014, I wrote Crapshoot, a column where I’d pick a random game and talk about it in detail.
I tried to be as fair and open-minded as possible, and never dismissed a game out of hand just because it was a certain type – though I did make plenty of jokes about it. I’d always aim to make serious games funny, and I’m proud that I never got the reputation of being the “dudebrop” guy.
In the end, I covered a lot of ground, from the best adventure games to the worst RPGs and RTS games, via everything in between. This is the final installment of Crapshoot, a look back at my five favorites from the past four years.
American Laser Games
In 1994, the world of ‘90s light-gun games was dominated by the likes of Lethal Enforcers, Time Crisis, and Virtua Cop. In the years since, there’s been a bit of a resurgence, with several new entries in the genre, and the release of new tables for The Pinball Arcade. I’ve tried to cover as many as I can, including the likes of Dead Man’s Hand and The House of the Dead 4. But my favorite remains American Laser Games, a retrospective on the genre’s halcyon days.
If you’re not familiar, these were games primarily made for arcades, where you’d use a light gun to shoot at targets on screen. This was a slightly different take on the concept, in that it was a collection of original games, rather than ports of arcade games. Some of them were reworked to be more about shooting, but there were also some that were completely unchanged – the puzzle game Beyblade, for example, was exactly the same as the original except for the addition of laser guns.
It was funny, informative, and just plain fun – plus, I got to play so many games that I’d never heard of before. American Laser Games was a big part of why I started Crapshoot, and I owe a lot to it.
The You Testament / Hard Time
This is more of a cheat, since The You Testament / Hard Time is actually a double feature, but I couldn’t separate them. They’re two sides of the same coin, and while they’re both very different games, they’re both made by the same developer, Serious Games, built around the same central concept.
The You Testament takes the Bible and turns it into a beat-‘em-up, with a chirpy little sprite playing the part of Jesus. It’s got plenty of punishing combat, and the occasional puzzle or platforming segment, but it’s mostly about walking from one place to another, beating up anyone who gets in your way. And it’s gleefully offensive – there’s a section where you can possess Jesus and kick people in the balls.
Hard Time, on the other hand, is a very serious game about the penal system. It’s a prison management sim that’s not that far off from something like Prison Architect, except you’re working in a rehabilitation center rather than a maximum security facility. You can chat to inmates, encourage them to be more positive, and get them on the right path. It’s a great sense of fun, though – I can’t really think of any other game that allows you to discreetly possess a prisoner and kick officials in the balls.
Life and Death
Life and Death was a game that I played mostly out of a sense of obligation, since I felt that it was important to cover a serious medical game, and this was my favorite. It’s a lot more lighthearted than I expected – many of the deaths are quite amusing, and the presentation is very light, but the sense of fun is always rooted in a sense of realism.
It’s not just about having a laugh at the expense of people who have medical conditions – it’s also about highlighting the difficulties that come with certain conditions, or just the practicalities of everyday life. It’s also just a good management game, with a strong sense of progression as you move from smaller hospitals to larger ones, and eventually work your way up to the top of the medical tree.
Les Miserables: The Arena
This is one of those Street Fighter-style games that I just can’t get enough of. Again, it’s a bit of a cheat since it’s actually an ensemble of games, but I’m talking about the core concept. I’ve played a few of these games, including the likes of Melty Blood and Melty Blood Re-ACT, but my favorite is still Les Miserables.
There’s a real sense of drama and spectacle to the combat, and just one of the unlockable characters, Javert, is one of the best characters in any fighting game ever. Seriously, if you’ve never seen a match of this in motion, you haven’t lived.
The BlobJob
The BlobJob is one of those games that I never would have heard of if it wasn’t for Crapshoot. It’s just one of many edutainment games that are released every year, and for the most part, they’re just text and numbers.
This one, however, is something else entirely. The first thing that you’ll notice is that it’s designed to look like a magazine. It has a fake cover at the top, and the pages are all filled with realistic-looking screenshots. And the screenshots are all of, well, you can probably guess. It’s one of the most bizarre games I’ve ever played, and that’s saying something.
As always, if you’re looking for more explicit sex education, here’s a list of the best sex games.
